Another chance

For a man with such a humble beginning, what he had achieved was really commendable. But all this while, life roughed him up, worn him out, made him weak. To an onlooker, he could have been a success story. Not a glorious rags to riches story which could have found a place in a tabloid. But one which was occasionally and casually mentioned by his acquaintances. But they could not see the turmoil behind the personna. They could not see the frustration that he sometimes felt. He felt that he had fallen a victim to the circumstances. That he no longer had any say in deciding the course of his life. That he had given away this right much earlier. That his familial duties dictated his purpose of existence. Not that he wanted to run away from them. But he hated being entirely consumed by them.

He had tried to fathom the purpose of existence of a human being. He wanted to know why people do things that they do and are they right in doing them. He wondered whether or not, a life which has not improved the life of another human being, which has not created any impact in the society, a waste. He wanted to know how significant a work should be to create that impact. He wanted to know whether or not his life has served his purpose by at least improving the living standards of his family.

He was terrified by the fragility of the life. He had seen people die just like that. He was also terrified by the madness these riots have brought. It bewildered him to see people ready to sacrifice their life for their religion. He felt sorry for those who had devalued their life and have allowed themselves to get manipulated for petty interests of few individuals. He often wondered is this cheap a life is ?

He had once seen a dead beggar lying on a road side on a chilled winter morning. He was depressed by the apathy of the people who were just riding by. He himself didn't stop. He had more important matters at hand that time. But he did spare some thoughts for that begger who had otherwise gone unnoticed. He wondered what change could this man have brought in the world with his limited means. Can survival itself be the purpose of existence ?

But he himself was a man of means. And that is why when he saw the boy on the other side of the street, he felt an impulse to go down there and bring him to his house. Not that he didn't think about the attackers who may be possibly wandering on the streets. But he felt that this is his chance to make that impact. He came out of his house and then with a sudden rush, went to the other side of the street and brought that child back.

The clothes of that child were splashed with blood. But he was still breathing. He knew that the child would survive. He would see to it that he survives. May be that was one of the puposes of his existence.

Test Cricket At Its Best

The last one or two months have been good for test cricket. Some of the most exciting and close matches have been played in this duration. Whether it was India-Sri Lanka, Pakistan-New Zealand, Pakistan-Australia, Australia-West Indies or England-South Africa, every series has had few close matches. And not to forget the Ranji Trophy final that we had this year. We have truly witnessed some amazing cricket. Most of it is due to the changed mentality of the cricketers. Of late, they have started playing for the results. This combined with the effect of T20s and ODIs on the batting style has ensured that test cricket is no more 5 days of lull, boring play. Even the draws that have been played were very exciting like the ones in the England - South Africa series.

People had feared that in this fast age world, test cricket would become obsolete. That it would lose its charm and would be replaced by the shorter versions. But from what I see, it has changed for better. In fact, I like it more than the shorter version these days. And the thing that I like most about it is the fact that unlike the shorter versions, each game creates its memories. More often than not, T20s and ODIs are forgettable. Its very rare to see someone reminiscing about a good ODI or a good T20. But a good test match leaves its impact. The five day cricketing marathon has always had its takers and would continue to have it. Hoping to see some good match in the coming series, especially in the India - South Africa series. By the way, the series will have 1 ODI at Kanpur also. And fortunately, there are no exams clashing with the match this time. Hoping to finally see a match in the Green Park.

Time for a reunion

Last 3 days were very enjoyable. We had a small reunion at the college with some of the wingmates that passed out from the campus last year. So as expected, there were long gossip sessions, parties, phatta, movies and more gossip sessions. There is no better way of passing away time than sitting with the best of your friends, talking non sense most of the times, making fun of some of them and getting laughed at some other times.

On saturday, after reading the rave reviews that 3 Idiots got, we went to see it. Some of the people around me had called it a must watch. So away we went. The first half of the movie was truly awesome. We saw how replacing 'chamatkar' with 'balatkar' and 'dhan' with 'stan' can invoke huge laughters from the crowd. But the second half got too melodramatic, something very distinctive of the bollywood movies. But in all, it remains a good movie. In fact, its one of the better ones that came this year. The movie intended to give many messages but I took these 2. First, I should have given a better try to my engineering studies. Second, one should go to Laddakh during one's life time. Its monastries and landscape are just wondrous.

After 3 days of fun, we are back to the earlier boring routing. The semster would start fom Dec 31. Till then I plan to waste all the time.

First trip to Varanasi

So finally I got to see the city that I have been longing to see since a long time - Varanasi. But I had never thought that the city would actually be my home for coming 1-2 years. My family shifted there 2 weeks back and it was my first trip to home since then. After having visited the place, I have mixed feelings.

Varanasi is like a very big village. The roads are broken and narrow. Even the main roads are in a similar condition. Then there are all these small side alleys branching out from each road. And if you enter them, you would find that they keep on stretching to reveal countless homes, both big and small, and shops. At times, they narrow down and at other times they widen up. Because of the roads, the city just looks too conjusted. In fact more conjusted than Agra or Meerut or even Kanpur.

But this discomfort eases out once you visit all the temples and ghats on Ganga. We first visited the Kaal Bhairav temple and then went to see the famous Kashi Vishwanath temple. Kashi Vishwanath is secured like a fortress not just because of its importance but also because of the fact that it is bordered by a mosque on one side. While walking through the alleys,you could see the tomb of the mosque standing tall against the temple. There were around 3 security checks at different places following which we reached the main temple. After all this, I was expecting some grand statues or big shivlings only to find a small shivling, sorrounded by garlands and drowned in water and milk. That 1 minute darshan just didn't invoke any relegious sentiments. You stand in a queue, touch the stone, take the prasad and then go out of the temple. That is it. I have always wondered how blindly we put our trust in an object as inanimate as a stone. Is this the way to connect to the god ? To me, it sometimes looks like an easy escape route to convince yourself that you are still devoted to the almighty.

After that, we went to the dasaswamedh ghat, passing through a narrow intricate networks of cobbled streets lined on both sides by shops. Every evening at 6:30, Ganga Aarti takes place at the ghat. And this is something that you would not want to miss. We hired a boat, and witnessed the whole aarti from the river. Five preists with big diyas, hundreds of people sitting on the stairs behind them with temples and halogen lights and other edifices forming the background, and many other people sitting on other boats making the forground is a spectacle in itself. The yellow colour of lights and fire in the dark black night is mesmerizing. I regret not taking my camera there. But I would certainly go there again the next time with a camera.

We took a small boat ride along the ghats. From the distance we could see the Manikarnika ghat. This is the place where the cremation takes place all day long. And even through the night. In fact, it is the only place where cremation takes place at night. From the distance, we could see 4 funeral pyers burning at the same time. The bodies once burnt are then drowned in the Ganga.

The next day, we went to see some more temples. And on the last day, we went to Sarnath, the place where Buddha gave his first sermon. Its around 8-10 kms from Varanasi and takes around half hour to reach there. We saw the place where Buddha gave the sermon. In that place stands a stupa - Dhamekh Stupa. On one side of it are the remains of the ancient monastries. This is where an Ashoka Pillar is present. On the other side is the main Buddhist temple. And on another side is a Jain temple of Shreyansnath, one of the Jain tirthankars. Varanasi is a holy city not just for Hindus and Buddhists but also for Jains. Four of the tirthankars were born in and around Varanasi.

But the main attraction of Sarnath for me was the Archaeological Museum. This is where you could find the Lion Capital, the national emblem of our country. You can also see other artifacts, some as old as 3rd century B.C.

The city of Varanasi might not be a good one to live in(I do realize that it is actually too early to make some comments) but it really desrves at least 1 visit. There are enough places in the city to consume at least 3 days. I would really suggest everyone to go there once. See the temples, boat in Ganga, relish the sunrise and savour the chills of the sunset.

Employed

Past 15 days were relentless and hectic. With all the preparations and apprehensions for the placements, it was really very tiring. But finally, I am employed. Its such a great relief to be able to again sleep late in the morning, to be able to again spend time gossiping, to be able to again go all the way to the hall 8 canteen for the dinners and to be able to give time to blog.

I would be joining ZS Associate. Its an American consultancy firm which focuses on sales and marketing and has a very big clientele in the biotech and pharmaceutical sector. The operations in India though are at a nascent stage. And with that, it is almost an end of my association with Computer Science. Almost because I still have a thesis to defend.

I am happy that I would not end up in a cubicle writing codes. But some part of me still feels that after having spent last 4-5 years of life in this field, I should have given a try to the core. Atleast once. In fact, to start with, I prepared only for the core companies. I had ZS in my mind but never thought that I would actually end up working for it. Since it was open to all the departments and all the programs, the chances looked sleek to me. But surprisingly and happily, I cleared the test, GD and three rounds of interviews with ease. And once I was done, I knew that I had a realistic chance of getting selected.

Placement time is a crazy time. People sometimes end up in companies where they didn't want to go. And in this regards, I consider myself lucky. The job is good, salary is good and the experience would come very handy if I ever apply for the MBA in the future.

I would be joining in Gurgaon at the end of coming June. After the results were announced, we had an informal meeting with the company officials and we were told to complete all our coursework on time. So that means that I would really have to gear up my thesis work next semester. I still haven't started doing anything right now. Right now, I am taking a break. I am sleeping, watching movies and desperately looking for some good books to read. It would take me at least 2-3 days more to again get going.

The brain drain

While surfing on net today, I came across this link here. And then I went through the profile of all the people mentioned in that list. Most of them had their beginnings in India but then went to the US for a career and then there was no coming back. There are many in that list who are from the IITs. These are the people who have earned all the fame and glory in this world. But I would like to know how has their success contributed to the success of the country which gave them this chance. And I am not being sarcastic here. I indeed want to know that is there any positive side to this brain drain. If any body has an answer to it, please write a comment. I would really be very grateful.

There is a friend of mine who says that it was for good that these people went there. If they would have remained in India, they wouldn't have achieved anything significant. They argue that they are contributing more to the development this way. But I seriously refuse to believe it. US is what it is today because of the efforts put in by the people there some 200-300 years back. It took it all these years to achieve the position it enjoys in the world today. But what have people in India done. Rather than emulating that model, we very comfortably make use of the infrastructure US extends to all the bright people for its development. We never tried to develop those kind of facilites here. And then we complaint about not having any facilities here and then more people went there. There is no end to this cycle unless we ourselves put an effort to it.

Few years back, another friend of mine told me that he considers himself a world citizen. He told me that development of science should not be withhold by these man made boundries. What a great way to clear your consceince. I would like to ask everyone who believes the same that who is actually paying for the subsidy which enables all of us to afford this level of education. And why not spend all this money on rather developing infrastructure for primary education for others which would have greater impact on the lives of more people. May be the rest of the world can then come and subside your education.

All this things are coming in my mind as I am approaching placements. I fear that I would also end up with same kind of life. Working in the Indian office of some MNC, making decisions on how to maintain the margins in the credit card business of North America. And then after some years, I would rather go for an MBA from an elite B-School and end up as an investment banker, being content with all the bucks I would be earning.

I sometimes regret wasting all the time that I wasted in the past 4 years. Now time has pushed me into mediocrity. I still yearn to do someting good, something significant. I long to make a difference. And I would rather want to do it now than to think about all these things 30 years later and thinking about what a waste has my life been. Its just that I don't see a path which leads me to my destination. And even if I see any, I think I am not strong enough. Not right now.

Value of 50 rupees

A picture is worth thousand words. And when you extend this, a movie clip is 1000x(frames per second in the clip)x(total length of clip in seconds) words :P

So see this video clip here because it says what I want to say much more beautifully.

Today in the afternoon, the sweeper of my hostel wing came to my room. He said something in a low voice which I could not hear. When I asked him again, he repeated. He said he wanted Rs. 50 and said that he would return it by 12th. And all the while, he was too unsure and diffident. He works here and I know that this guy is a simple man. So, I did give him the money.

And then I thought about what is the value of 50 rupees for me. It is what I spend on my single visit to the canteen when I don't want to eat in the hostel mess. Just to think of it, this small an amount for me could be so much consequential in some other person's life is a bit discomforting. I wondered what important need could he have had for which he had to borrow the money and which could be fulfilled in 50 rupees. But then I didn't think too much into it for things which we take for granted may mean a world to some other person.

To tell you all the truth, when I gave him the money, I felt that I didn't want it back. I am no philanthropist and he might not be that needy but still I had  this feeling. I have bargained with a riksha wallah or a sabji wallah for 5-10 rupees. But I just didn't want a person to be occupied with this thing in his mind that he has to return back 50 rupees to someone. I don't know whether some other person can relate to this feeling but this is what I felt.